Please don’t torture my definitions
Please don’t reduce me to ridiculous
No evil twin words, no incognito if,
Don’t play logical leapfrog with my heart
Please, please, please don’t lie to me

I'm a tricky advertiser gonna manipulate you're none the wiser,
I'm changing definitions so they better fit my visions

“Great news everybody! You get $100 off ALL purchases!”

Now you might say, that when i say “all”
I must mean any purchase in this shopping mall
But what you might’ve missed
Is this liiiiitle asterisk
Where does it go, let’s foll-ow the fine print
One little thing that i forgot to mention—
$100 off ALL purchases…. Of $600 or more

Ha ha, i gotcha, i tricked ya, didn’t i
Cause im an advertiser shoulda warned you i was sly
It’s a different definition, sure it says “all”
Im hiding the truth in print so small
When i redefine a word that changes the truth
Thats called a tortured definition, made for tricking you

I'm a host on a popular talk show
i got lots of bigoted views that i want you to know
And if you disagree don’t come at me with facts
Cuz I'm gonna make you look stupid with my tacts

What, you think we should let gay people get married?
Ha ha Whoa buddy, that sounds kinda scary
If we let that happen then what comes next,
Someones gonna try and marry a t-rex

Sure that’s not the same thing, it’s not even close,
But who cares about little facts like those
I’ve reduced your idea to ridiculous
Oversimplifying then pointing out how dumb it is

Ive twisted your words into a lie
Now my viewers hate you, so bye-bye!

Please don’t torture my definitions
Please don’t reduce me to ridiculous
No evil twin words, no incognito if,
Don’t play logical leapfrog with my heart
Please, please, please don’t lie to me

Im a politician so you might say
That lying is my business in a sad kinda way
My opponent is winning so it’s time to change it up
Ive got an idea— ill make something up

"This guy says he wants people from california to dye…."

(now sure, he was inviting people to a tie dye event, but how was i to know something like that?)

I’ve used a little thing called an evil twin word
Now my opponents intentions are blurred
Just a little switcharoo, i swear i didnt mean to do
(but i did, now people will vote for me)

Im sketchy salesman but don’t let that scare ya
Cause ive got great news, youve won a trip to peru!
That’s right, it’s legit, dont worry bout it
Just sign on the line, itll be just fine

Oops what’s that there? You bought a timeshare!
Guess i forgot to mention that was part of the deal!
I used an incognito if, just forgot to mention it
If you wanna go to peru make sure you read the fine print

Please don’t torture my definitions
Please don’t reduce me to ridiculous
No evil twin words, no incognito if,
Don’t play logical leapfrog with my heart
Please, please, please don’t lie to me

Hey there kids, im an insta influencer
Ur likin my pics cuz you think im so perfect
They paid me five grand To advertise this jar of sand
Now its in all my pics and im getting them big clicks

If you buy this one thing
Youll get to live like me
Your life will be all bling
Just buy it then youll see!

Its a game of logical leapfrog,
Im selling you a dream you cant even unlock
step one don’t necessarily lead to step two
But just Buy this jar of sand and bid your money adieu

Please don’t torture my definitions
Please don’t reduce me to ridiculous
No evil twin words, no incognito if,
Don’t play logical leapfrog with my heart
Please, please, please don’t lie to me