everybody’s singing about love but nobody’s feeling it and what about us? what about us lost kids and lost hearts with nowhere else to go? i looked left and right, but the crosswalk disappeared and the street swallowed me whole. this is not a metaphor, and I’m writing to you from a strange, dark, sewer, and I’m all alone in the cold. please inform city hall immediately, i think there are rats... but as i was saying, the streets of this city swallowed whole, devoured my soul, until i was nothing but a shadow in the darkness. even the rats do not see me now, let alone any of you. its dark and I’m cold. the solution seems obvious, to light a fire, but there’s not a lot to burn here. there are other shadows, i think, and the rats, but i can’t just set them on fire, it seems cruel, they don’t deserve that. they’re just lost. lost like i am. so i’ll push everyone away before i set myself alight, cause i need something to keep me warm on these cold, cold winter nights. and you’d better hope you see me in your dreams tonight, cause its the last you’ll ever see of me. but this is not me. i have adopted a personality that’s not my own and i am haunted by demons that i have sown in the ground that i walk and i scorch it as i burn and I’m sorry, okay, its just— a monster crawled inside my head and I’m probably already dead, so whats it matter anyway? i don’t know who I’m supposed to be so i’ll let the demon take control and burn me down cause it seems to know just whats best, and ill steal from everyone around me and create this personality, this insincere self that I’m living through and shoving and pushing away but i can’t, and i can’t stand this. i’ve got crazy thoughts and violent urges and i fought but i deserve this been to 4am and back again I’m not the sun comes up at the end cause i always fall asleep and its my secret that i’ll keep I’ve spent each one of these past weeks learning how to tear myself apart and here’s whats lying in my heart ever since that day in june I’ve been haunted my the moon, and my head, and that box calling my name and it won’t stop. and my skin is a canvas and i know i never planned this but this paintbrush is not enough to hide how its all soaked through with blood but please remember what i said, theres a monster living in my head, this is not me, ill beg and plead, this is not who i want to be. please don’t take me seriously this is a joke, this is a mask, please don’t believe what’s come to pass, please don’t believe what i’ve become, please do not see i’ve come undone. I’m sorry.

i made it out just barely alive but the things i lost disappear before my eyes they stole my tongue those months i spent away and I’ve been searching for it, fighting for it but my voice gets smaller every day “just open your mouth, just let it come out” but i can’t oh i can’t ill just weight you down, ill just let you down “just tell me how you feel, just tell me what’s up” but i can’t oh i can’t ill just mess it up, ill just mess this all up i don’t mean what i say i’ll take it back tomorrow morning cause i feel what i feel and its real until i feel something different i can’t say what i want to don’t want to weigh you down compared myself to everyone else and decided its not worth the risk i know you care, but its just so hard to believe that you’ll be there, that you won’t run away from me but either way, you’ve got problems all your own and i can’t add to them, ill weigh you down, I’m better off fighting this alone. “just open your mouth, just let it come out” but i can’t oh i can’t ill just weight you down, ill just let you down “just tell me how you feel, its the only way to heal” but i can’t, oh i can’t its not even real, theres nothing to heal

haunted here again, week after week no sleep, 2am, its the same old routine i am the ends to my own means, and i know just what I’m doing make it out alive but ill keep praying for death theres nowhere to hide from fires in my head keep both my eyes open as i burn myself down i never could bring myself to look away anyway over and over and over again and the words start to flow once the blood does but its not a metaphor anymore cause i am the coward and this is the monster its always towering over me i know exactly how to pull myself to the window’s ledge my self-destructive pen has a mind of it’s own cause every single word it writes is meant to kill my head and i own these arms and legs but this heart is not a home anymore just a body occupied by something more something dark, terrifying, and it has taken control but its still me, not the me you used to see, but what was always underneath and this was always going to happen except it wasnt- this was not my plan i never meant to fall so far i never meant to get so good at tearing my own self apart but self destruction is a drug and I’m taking it way too far besides we always keep our darkness so close to our own hearts

winter is over and I’m not sure if i want spring to come anymore i hid myself in the dark of the moon, now my emptiness is bottomless, it’s coming clean too soon winter is over and I’m not ready to see what has become of me summer nights are so clear and i hate to think, this mind only shows me what i don’t want to see: a broken kid held together by a string, i am not the person that i wanted to be, I’ve been forsaken by my moon and my stars they leave me now hopeless, shine light upon these scars i am incapable, these battles aren’t winnable for someone like me, someone who’s just no longer free. winter is over and i’m still here, but i still haven’t conquered any of my fears winter is over and I’m still here, and i don’t really know quite how to feel. winter is over it’s so hard to let go of what i know i let the winter air engulf my soul impossible to see any way out when all i want to do is let myself drown i got a little better at getting a little worse now my own house has become my own hearse the air in here is taking all my breath its written on the walls, this room will be my death but these hands haven’t killed me just yet so unwrap the noose from around my neck cause winter is over and i’ve been through hell but through it all, i’ve seen myself im stronger than the darkness lets me see i made it through, so now set me free, winter didn’t kill me, there’s still air to breathe so while we’re all still alive, i just wanna scream winter is over now the cold winter air reminds me i’m alive whether i want to be or not so i guess there’s nothing left to do but survive and i’ll see the sun rise at the end of the night cause winter is over and I’m breathing in the air, if it’s cold or warm, i don’t really care cause i’m still here, i’m still here, and the sun’s gonna rise we’re all gonna survive.

if i sing quietly in a crowded room about killing butterflies, would you know what it means? if i sing quietly in a crowded room about killing myself, would you know what that means too? if i die before 18 give all my things to charity give my body to those in need and spread my ashes in iceland if i die before 18 please do not cry over me give all these songs to all my friends and tell my mom i’m sorry sorry mom and dad i know i really let you down sorry to all my friends you tried so hard to keep around im lunar you see, in a bad place and on the downward trajectory, but i know this is self-bred sadness in the end this is all because of me I’m doing this to myself and I’m the only one to blame i know this is the cowards way out but fear might as well be my first name and my last breath will be used to sing this song to you its written in scarlet letters that i could never speak and i could never be enough- not for you but only for myself you see, i just can’t measure up to who i am supposed to be in my own head so now I’m broken, scarred but it’s not your fault, i promise you, its just that i- i never knew what to do. if i die before 18 please just tell me one more thing will all my friends and family be better off without me hey, the sun’s gonna rise we’ll be okay the sun’s gonna rise no night can last forever i know i know it’s hard, i know it’s long, i know its dark, and you’re all alone but hey, the sun’s gonna rise we’re all alive we’re all survive the sun’s gonna rise don’t close your eyes the sun’s gonna rise.